03.04.2011 Faith

I want to believe in love, and that Marc loves me. He certainly seems to: he's still around, even after I went balls-out freakazoid on his ass. Plus he's great about being around to talk to me. He's sweet, fun and kind. It isn't that I don't trust him. I don't trust myself.

I have issues with faith. With trusting and believing. In love, and in myself and my worth.

Here's what Wikipedia has to say about faith:
Faith is the confident belief or trust in the truth or trustworthiness of a person, concept or thing.The English word is thought to date from 1200–50, from the Latin fidem or fidēs, meaning trust, derived from the verb fīdere, to trust.

Since faith implies a trusting reliance upon future events or outcomes, it is often taken by some people as inevitably synonymous with a belief "not resting on logical proof or material evidence."

My confidence in romantic love itself is complicated. My trust in my own decisions regarding love is probably nonexistent. My belief that I am worthy of such love is damaged.
The logical proof based on the material evidence being that it has never worked out in the past.
So I need to let that old shit go. Why is it so hard?

I need to trust. To believe. I need to have faith in myself.