1.18.2010
Yeesh. Ok - my emotional state has been a mess: the anxiety, depression, irritability, feelings of isolation have gotten out of control again. Not all the time: I'm mostly happy, ecstatic, over the moon in love but - the slightest thing goes wrong and BAM - I slide right into the black pit of self-doubt where I just know my whole life is about to be yanked out from under me. It's like walking a tightrope over nothing and knowing that at some point you'll fall.
But after screaming - quite literally - at my boyfriend at 5:30 in his morning, I made myself stop to think and I suspect it's probably due to hormones. Because what else has been happening is night sweats and skipped/unpredictable periods. Oh yay - welcome to perimenopause. God.
And I remembered that this is the way I was feeling when I started taking Prozac - and it helped. So I spoke to my Doctor who advised me that increasing my dose will quite likely help take the edge off my overwrought emotions.
It's also the way I was feeling when I was taking Zyrtec before so no more of that.
I'm also going to get off my butt and get out and exercise. I was doing so well; I need to step up.
And I need to reach out to my friends more. Spend more time hanging out and laughing with them. I don't hang out with Tim, Laurel, or Kel near enough. I havent seen Y in ages and I miss her.
So yeah - I have A Plan to slay this beast. And I feel better already - I think just identifying the problem and realizing I can regain control is a huge step in the right direction.
And in other news: my flights are booked and plans are coming together: COMING SOON TO A CITY NEAR YOU ... THE EURO PERV TOUR 2011!!! There will be T-Shirts!
So far it looks like we're heading from Den Haag through Maastricht, Mannheim, Chalons-en-Champagne to Paris with stops at places like Heidelberg, Trier, German sweet-wine country (!) and of course Ramstein Air Base.
I CAN'T WAIT!
And I get to see it all with my wonderful and very understanding boyfriend who did not, even when I screamed at him at 5:30 in the morning, tell me to go fuck myself. He would have been well within his right to do so, but he didn't, and that made me realize just how NOT alone I am. 5000 miles away, he has my back, has my best interests at heart.
Marc: I love you.
But after screaming - quite literally - at my boyfriend at 5:30 in his morning, I made myself stop to think and I suspect it's probably due to hormones. Because what else has been happening is night sweats and skipped/unpredictable periods. Oh yay - welcome to perimenopause. God.
And I remembered that this is the way I was feeling when I started taking Prozac - and it helped. So I spoke to my Doctor who advised me that increasing my dose will quite likely help take the edge off my overwrought emotions.
It's also the way I was feeling when I was taking Zyrtec before so no more of that.
I'm also going to get off my butt and get out and exercise. I was doing so well; I need to step up.
And I need to reach out to my friends more. Spend more time hanging out and laughing with them. I don't hang out with Tim, Laurel, or Kel near enough. I havent seen Y in ages and I miss her.
So yeah - I have A Plan to slay this beast. And I feel better already - I think just identifying the problem and realizing I can regain control is a huge step in the right direction.
And in other news: my flights are booked and plans are coming together: COMING SOON TO A CITY NEAR YOU ... THE EURO PERV TOUR 2011!!! There will be T-Shirts!
So far it looks like we're heading from Den Haag through Maastricht, Mannheim, Chalons-en-Champagne to Paris with stops at places like Heidelberg, Trier, German sweet-wine country (!) and of course Ramstein Air Base.
I CAN'T WAIT!
And I get to see it all with my wonderful and very understanding boyfriend who did not, even when I screamed at him at 5:30 in the morning, tell me to go fuck myself. He would have been well within his right to do so, but he didn't, and that made me realize just how NOT alone I am. 5000 miles away, he has my back, has my best interests at heart.
Marc: I love you.
posted by Carol at Tuesday, January 18, 2011
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