The Other Half

I don't say half the things I want to say to you
Because I’m trying to be funny, and you’re trying to wake up
or because I'm just looking at you smiling and I don't want to talk about anything serious, I just want to be with you and feel how happy you make me
or because I'm not used to revealing this much of myself

I don’t say, for instance that I think this is going to change my life and teach me patience and make me grow and learn and love like never before and that scares me and excites me at the same time
Because I remember who you are and how much you’ve already surprised me and taught me and the ways you make me laugh and all the ways you make me feel amazing and special and wonderful

I don’t say, for instance that sometimes this is hard, and that sometimes I feel so alone. And sometimes I don't feel like it's real. Life and internet life seem to be really seperate things to you, and I'm not sure that I'm there in your real life.
But then I think of your smile and your blue eyes, and it makes me happy. I remember the way it felt when we were together, wrapped up in each other, a tangle of blankets and warmth, and the way every time I moved you would kiss whatever part of me you could kiss.

I don’t say, for instance, that sometimes I’m scared you're going to slip away or that you’ll find someone real. Someone closer, someone you can touch and feel and hold. Because every time I have loved in the past, something bad always happened and all I ever learned was what love should not be.

I don't say, for instance that part of me did not want to go down this road ever again, because I want what I want, but all I ever got was hurt and disappointed, and it sucked. Life went on on but I didn't necessarily believe that there was any romance left in me.

But something made me kiss you and I can't wait to see where this road leads because this (finally!) feels really right.

I don't know how, and I don't know why, but here you and I are, half a world apart yet we're connected. I carry some part of you, some memory or thought of you with me in my heart.
I love you. I miss you and I want to hold you and kiss you and just ... be.